Elvis Rants About Coffee (Why not it’s his Blog)

ilovecoffeeI don’t trust people who don’t drink coffee.  I don’t know why, but if I offer someone a cup and they refuse, it’s real hard for me to get past it. I may just sulk for the day, walk down the street with my head down and stop speaking, smiling, or laughing at anyone’s jokes. I just hate non-coffee lovers. Ok, I’m going a bit overboard, so I won’t be your best mate, but you probably have enough friends anyway. Coffee. Say it with me. It’s the best damn drink in the world, hot or cold, through a straw, in a cup, ice cream coffee, cheese and coffee, in a plane or under the sea it’s just awesome. Coffee goes well with everything. It even goes well with itself, hence the amazing double espresso. It’s liquid crack, and the coolest thing is it’s legal (at least for now). So drink a cup. Have one now, go to Starbucks, or Dunkin, make it at home, get it from a New York coffee cart, or the worst and sleaziest excuse for a diner. Every crackpot on the Internet roasts his, or her own; they all have a favorite brew that no one else can touch, roasted over chicory, or in a special drum, with wheels and timers, they have secrets no one knows about, they’ve all hung out with the God’s of coffee at a café in heaven. Have a cup now. I dare you. Drink it in Rome, Saigon, Cairo, or Timbuktu. People who don’t drink coffee, what’s with them? They probably own too many stuffed animals, or think bunny rabbits are cute; they wash their hands and clothes too much, they are obsessively neat, and their lives are orderly. They sleep and dream of only good things, and think world peace is possible. They don’t drink bourbon and never lifted one of their Granddad’s cigarettes and smoked it out back of the house in the middle of winter when it was 20 below zero, never told a white lie, never had any fun. Well, the heck with them; let them drink tea…


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