We Are Here to Confiscate Your Nescafe

Last weekend Mrs. Red Elvis and the crew attended the 2013 Thailand Coffee, Tea and Drinks Fair in Bangkok, Thailand. I sent her because my Thai is terrible, and her English is OK, and once everything is translated I’m more confused than ever. Which is normal for Thailand.ms red elvis

What I do know. The Thai’s are really into coffee, especially those under the age of 30. That makes me ‘sabye’ or happy, happy, because they’re the ones who spend money, similar to all the young people around the world (Young people, Grandad?), disposable income, allowances, no alimony, back taxes, gambling debts, car loans, house loans, you get the picture.

I’m also happy to announce that the Thai’s are addicted to coffee, or at least in the process of becoming (addicted). That doesn’t mean that they’ll turn into raving madmen like yours truly, when he goes without his morning fix, but give it time. This also makes me ‘sabye’ (for those who’ve forgotten, that mean happy).

Going back to 2002, when the Thai’s thought Nescafe was something that they assumed us foreigners enjoyed after a night of drinking Sing beer, and listening to some Thai kid with a cheap guitar butcher the lyrics to ‘Hotel California.’ Things are very much looking up, though they still can’t seem to get the whole HC thing straight yet, but hey you can’t have everything. In those dark days, to get a good cup of coffee I had to go to Cambodia, and eventually decided to live there because, well how do I say it, Nescafe just made me too damn grumpy, and I’d suffer the Khmer’s just for their Lattes and croissants.

I prayed and hoped, and hoped and prayed, wishing upon a star and all things wonderful and good that they would discover coffee, or at least come to their senses and stop serving me the undrinkable swill that they passed off as coffee (in italics here). I’m happy to report that they are almost there, but I still argue with Mzzzz Red about putting condensed sweet milk in Lattes, which gives me fits…

“That’s Thailand dear.”

“Yes, Yes”

“You have to respect our culture.”

“Yes, Yes.”

“Are you just saying, yes, yes, so I’ll stop talking?”

“Yes, yes Huuuh…”

Support my friend Ray at Thai High, he grows great coffee in the North. Take a look at his website, and I think he sends anywhere in the world.


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